EP 047 Why Smart People Fail at Persuasion | Entrepreneurial Success Habits Decoded

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These communication techniques separate
millionaire entrepreneurs from the broke

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wannabes and the science behind why most
people failed to get their message heard.

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What I'm about to share with you is not
just theory, it's actually backed by

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research from Robert Jalini at Arizona
State University and neuroscientist

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Yuri Hassan at Princeton showing that.

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Poor communication cost companies
one to $2 trillion annually, while

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those who master these skills see
employees who are 4.6 times more

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likely to produce high quality work.

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And if you're building a side hustle,
a freelance business, or any venture

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where you need to listen, trust, and take
action on what you are saying, this could

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make the difference between success.

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Failure.

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Here's what no one tells you.

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85% of job success stems from
strong communication skills, yet

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most of us never quite learned
how to communicate effectively.

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Dale Carnegie figured this out
way back in 1936 with How to Win

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Friends and Influence People.

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Many of you have probably read
that book, right, but somehow

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we've forgotten the fundamentals.

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Your success, DNA podcast, your success.

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Is in your DNA.

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Let me start by destroying two myths
that have probably sabotaged your

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communication without you even knowing it.

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Myth number one, the famous
eight second attention span.

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You've probably heard that humans have
shorter and shorter attention spans,

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and to the point that there are shorter
attention spans than even goldfish.

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Complete nonsense.

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That statistic was entirely fabricated.

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The Microsoft research that supposedly
proved this never once mentioned

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the Magic Eight second number, and
it doesn't mention goldfish either.

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Even better, goldfish don't
actually have eight second memories.

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They're used as model systems for
studying memory formation because

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they have excellent memories.

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What the research actually shows back in
2004, people averaged about 150 seconds

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on a screen before switching by 2021.

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This dropped to 47 seconds.

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That's not an attention span
problem, ladies and gentlemen.

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That's multitasking and.

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A boring content problem.

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Here's the second myth, and this has
been killing presentations everywhere.

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It's known as the 70 38 55 rule.

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You know the one that says
communication is 55% body language,

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38% tone of voice, and only 7% words.

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Professor David Leko of Osberg
University put it perfectly.

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Ian research has been widely
misinterpreted and because of its

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limitations, any broad based conclusions
about the nature of communication

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simply cannot be derived from it.

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Here's what actually happened.

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Narabian conducted two tiny studies
back in the 1960s with only women

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participants focusing specifically
on artificial situations where words

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contradicted tone and facial expressions.

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No actual conversations took place.

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No body language beyond facial
expressions was studied.

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Yet somehow this became the golden rule.

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Communication.

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The truth about this is much more nuanced
and it's much more useful for your

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life as well as for your side hustle.

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Okay, now that we've cleared there
and got that outta the way, let's

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dive into what actually works.

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And I'm gonna start with something.

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I think it's gonna change how you think
about every single interaction that

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you have from this moment forward.

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Your brain is literally designed
to sync with storytellers.

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Yuri Hanson, a professor of psychology
and neuroscience at Princeton University

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discovered that when you hear a story.

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Your brainwaves start to actually
synchronize with those of the storyteller.

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This process, which is called neuro
coupling, means that the neurons

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in your brain begin to fire in the
same pattern as the speaker's brain.

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And here's where it gets a little
bit more interesting when captivated

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by an emotionally engaging story.

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Your brain produces oxytocin.

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That's the bonding hormone.

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That increased trust, it increased
empathy, and it increases generosity.

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Dr. Paul, Zack proved that people are far
more likely to donate to a cause after

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viewing an emotionally impactful story.

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We've all seen them on those commercials.

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Yeah.

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Think about it, okay?

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For you, this means stories
don't just engage people.

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They literally make them
more likely to trust you.

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Take action.

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Okay.

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In fact, researchers even went
so far as to test this on eBay.

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They took $129 worth of random
trinkets and sold them for over

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$18,000 simply by crafting personal
stories for each one of the objects.

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Same products, different stories.

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620% increase in value.

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That's a story in and of itself, isn't it?

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So how do you harness this?

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You may ask, well start with.

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Why not?

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What Simon Sinek's Ted Talk on this
concept has like what, 44 million views

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Because he cracked the code that all
great leaders today seem to follow.

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They understand and communicate the
why behind their mission before they

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ever try to explain what they'll do.

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Or how they're gonna go about doing it.

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If you offer a service, don't just
talk about your features and your

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benefits, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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Start with the problem that you're
solving and why that matters.

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If you're selling a course, don't lead
with all the modules and all the bonuses

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and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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No lead with the transformation that you
are creating and why that transformation.

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Changes everything for the person
you're gonna create it for.

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Here's a practical framework from sound
expert, Julian Treasure called Hail, HAIL.

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When you speak, make sure you're
hitting all four elements.

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Honesty, authenticity,
integrity, and love.

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This immediately separates you from
the seven deadly sins of speaking

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that make people tune out, and
we've all been a victim of these.

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And those are gossip, judging,
negativity, complaining, excuses,

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dogmatism.

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Yeah, those are the Sevenly
seven deadly sins of speaking.

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But here's something I think
most people are out there

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missing the power of the pause.

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So you see, speaking too quickly gives the
impression that you're anxious as if what

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you have to say has little or no value.

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When you speak slowly and pause
strategically, you unconsciously tell

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your audience that what it is you
have to say is damn well important.

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You give them space to absorb and respond,
which shows confidence and control.

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Even organizations like Toastmasters
International have built their

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entire methodology around mastering
these fundamentals of vocal

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delivery and strategic pauses.

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I was in Toastmasters for a decade
and a half, so I speak from experience

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here on what it is they teach.

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Master the pause and you
command the conversation.

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Now let's talk about persuasion.

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Robert Aldini, a professor emeritus
at Arizona State University identified

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six principles that are surprisingly
universal across cultures and contexts.

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Now, these aren't manipulation tactics.

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They're how people
naturally make decisions.

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Reciprocity.

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Reciprocity means people feel obligated
to return favors in your side,

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hustle in your life, for that matter.

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This could be offering valuable
free content before asking for

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anything in return, perhaps like this
content you're consuming right now.

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Commitment and consistency.

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That means people want to align with
their previous statements and beliefs.

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And what this means here is if you
get someone to agree to a small

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commitment first, they're more likely
to follow through on those bigger ones.

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Social proof.

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Social proof is following what others do.

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This is why testimonials and
case studies work so powerfully

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in your social media presence.

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Authority is trusting credible experts.

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Establish your expertise before you
start making any claims out there.

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Liking means people saying
yes to those they like.

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Find genuine common ground
and similarities between

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you and your audience.

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And then finally, is scarcity.

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And scarcity is wanting what's limited.

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And I'm talking about genuine scarcity
here, not the artificial pressure.

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Buy it now or otherwise,
you're never gonna get it.

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Type of scarcity.

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And then, you know, a month later
you see it's still available.

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You know what I'm talking about.

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Okay.

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Chris Vos, former FBI negotiator,
expert and author of Never Split.

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The Difference Takes this.

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A step further by showing how tactical
empathy and mirroring can create instant

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rapport and influence with your audience
or whoever it is you're trying to address.

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One study reduced, missed medical
appointments by 18%, and they did this

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simply by asking patients to write
down their own appointment details

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instead of having the staff do it.

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The act of writing created
this micro-commitment.

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Need for consistency.

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Yeah.

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So these little bitty things
really make a big difference.

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Here's what most people
focusing on persuasion tend

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to miss in the bigger picture.

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They forget about the other
half of communication.

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Listening.

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Yeah.

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So many people are too
busy talking to listen.

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We spend roughly 45% of our
communication time listening.

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And it seems to be this
highly neglected skill.

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Research shows that 80% of the workplace
complaints and conflicts stem from

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poor communication, and the employees
who feel heard are 4.6 times more

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likely to produce high quality work.

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Active listening involves six
specific skills, paying attention,

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holding judgment, reflecting.

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Clarifying, summarizing and sharing.

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Now, this isn't just nodding
along and going, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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Like we've heard some of the
podcasters out there doing,

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waiting for your turn to speak.

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This is really fully engaging in what
the other person is saying, what they're

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feeling, and really what they're needing.

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When someone feels truly heard,
something powerful starts to happen.

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They become more open to your ideas.

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They become more likely to trust your
recommendations and they become more

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willing to take action on your suggestions
in your life, in your side hustle.

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This could be the difference
between a client who completely

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ghosts you and one who ends up
referring you to five other friends.

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Yeah.

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Here's a technique that will immediately
improve your conversations instead

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of jumping in with solutions, pause.

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Reflect back what you heard and
ask some clarifying questions.

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Lemme give you an example.

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So if I understand this correctly, you are
saying that your, your biggest challenge

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is finding time to create content.

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And what you really want is
a system that doesn't require

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you to be online all day long.

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Is, is that right?

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That simple type of reflection shows
that you were listening and helps

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clarify exactly what it is they need,
what you heard them say they need.

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Nancy Duarte studied the greatest
speeches in history and discovered

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they all follow the same pattern.

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They repeatedly contrast
what is with what could be.

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Think about it for a minute.

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Martin Luther King Jr's, I have
a Dream Speech, or Steve Jobs,

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when he's unveiling the iPhone.

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They painted this picture
of the current reality.

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Then they showed an even more amazing
vision of how things could be different.

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Yeah, for your life and
for your side hustle.

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This means instead of just listing
what it is you offer or what it is you

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can offer, contrast the frustrating
current state of, for example, your

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client's experience with the transform
future that you can help them create.

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Don't just say, I teach time management.

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Pause.

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Paint the picture of someone drowning in
tasks versus someone who's able to leave

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work at 5:00 PM feeling accomplished
and being present with their family.

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You, you almost feel the energy
shift right there, right?

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Now here's something I think
is gonna shock you when it

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comes to presentation skills.

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Researchers analyzed TED Talks and
found that the least popular ones

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averaged, oh, I don't know, 124,000
views and had in them 272 hand gestures.

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Yeah, who cares, Tracy?

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Well, the most popular ones out there
averaged over 7 million views and had

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465 hand gestures, 71% improvement.

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It wasn't.

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It really isn't just
about the hand gestures.

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The most popular speakers also
demonstrated a 30 and a half

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percent higher vocal variety
than the less popular speakers.

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They varied their pace, they varied
their volume, they varied their

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tone all in order to keep the people
that were listening to them engaged.

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But here's the kicker.

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Viewers rated the speakers equally,
whether they heard the sound of

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the presentation or whether they
watched it on mute and just read it.

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This means that the audience was assessing
the credibility and the intelligence

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heavily on nonverbal signals before
processing any of the words that

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were spoken or read for that matter.

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This doesn't mean failing your arms
around randomly or speaking like

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a robot, trying to sound human.

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It means being genuinely animated
about your message using purposeful

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gestures to emphasize points
in varying your vocal delivery.

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To match your content, right?

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You don't want a pastor to be up
there preaching fire and brimstone

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with a smile on his face, do you?

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No you don't.

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Speakers like Temple Grandin, Simon
Sinek and Jane McGonigal topped the

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gesture charts was well over 600
hand gestures within 18 minutes.

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They weren't trying to
use more hand gestures?

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No.

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No.

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They were just so passionate
about their message that the

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gestures just came out naturally.

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Now.

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Let's get practical with some
techniques that you can use.

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As soon as you're done listening
to this, you can use as

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soon as I tell you about it.

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First, use words that open up minds.

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You don't wanna just do this
whole closed-minded thing.

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You wanna use phrases like,
imagine, or consider these.

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Literally open up the neural
pathways to new ideas instead

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of triggering defense responses.

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Instead of saying something like,
you need to understand, this sounds

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like a pretty passive comment.

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Try something like this.

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Consider what would happen
if, and then continue.

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It's a small shift, but it
opens to mind to opportunities.

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Okay.

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Second, you wanna embrace the
power of specificity instead

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of saying, many people.

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Say 73% of our clients are whatever the
number might be in your case, instead of

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it works really, really well or super,
super good, say we typically see a 40%

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improvement within the first 30 days.

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You see specific numbers feel more
credible and they feel far more memorable.

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Third, use the contrast
principle in your language.

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Don't just describe the damn benefits.

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Describe the cost of not taking
action in, in using those benefits.

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Something like, while other people
spend three hours every morning managing

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emails, our clients handle their entire
inbox in 20 minutes and start their day

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focused on revenue generating activities.

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Yeah, big difference.

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The benefits are in there, but now
you're describing the cost of not

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taking action at the same time.

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And here's something crucial
for your side hustle success.

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Understanding how communication
norms are changing.

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71% of workers believe
the younger generation is

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changing formality standards.

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While older, older generations
like me prefer email.

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49% of our Gen Z workers prefer
instant messages where they

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can show a little personality.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Okay.

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Plus you got, you.

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Think about that.

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That's what they grew up with.

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Folks like me, we learned about email.

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These folks grew up with
a phone in their hand.

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It seems like this means your
communication strategy needs to be.

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Know your audience and match
their preferred style while still

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maintaining your core messages.

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Integrity In 20 24, 90 6% of workers'
preferred empathetic communication.

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00:16:13,418 --> 00:16:16,118
And don't get me wrong, this
is not about being soft.

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This is about understanding and
acknowledging other people's

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perspectives and their emotions
when you communicate with empathy.

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People are like 12 times more
likely to be engaged and to

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be motivated by your message.

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Here's a framework for
empathetic communication.

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Acknowledge their situation, validate
their feelings, and then offer

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your perspective or your solution.

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Here's, here's an example
of what I mean here.

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I can see why that deadline feels
overwhelming, especially with

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everything else you have on your plate.

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That kind of pressure would stress
anyone out, myself included.

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What if we broke this project down
into smaller milestones so that you

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could see progress within a few days?

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You feel me?

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Can you feel the shift in that?

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00:17:00,231 --> 00:17:02,904
Now, let's talk about one of the
biggest communication mistakes.

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I see many side hustlers making
many of my entrepreneurs out there

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00:17:06,995 --> 00:17:09,368
trying to be everything to everyone.

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00:17:10,186 --> 00:17:14,440
When you delude your message to appeal to
the widest possible audience out there,

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you really end up connecting with no one.

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00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:18,122
It's true.

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00:17:18,613 --> 00:17:22,186
The most successful communicators
tend to be the most polarizing.

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00:17:22,295 --> 00:17:26,059
They stand for something specific,
which means some people just aren't

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00:17:26,059 --> 00:17:29,413
gonna resonate with their message,
and that's exactly the point, right?

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You're gonna click with some people
and you're gonna turn other people off.

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00:17:32,890 --> 00:17:35,590
The ones you turn off, probably not
the ones you wanna work with anyway.

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00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:39,163
Simon Sinek doesn't try to appeal
to every single leader out there.

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He specifically targets those.

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He wants to inspire.

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00:17:42,872 --> 00:17:46,336
Rather than trying to manipulate
those, he doesn't want to inspire.

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00:17:46,718 --> 00:17:51,518
Okay, so for your side hustle, this
means getting crystal clear on who you

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00:17:51,518 --> 00:17:53,890
are serving and what transformation.

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00:17:54,231 --> 00:17:57,859
You're creating, then communicate
that message consistently.

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00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:03,122
Even if it means some people
decide to check out, that's fine.

340
00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:07,377
The people who do resonate will
become your raving fans and those

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00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:11,222
that don't, well just find someone
who, that they do connect with.

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00:18:11,468 --> 00:18:14,249
And here's something that kind
of ties all of this together.

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Authenticity beats
perfection every single time.

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00:18:19,854 --> 00:18:21,872
Hard stop mic drop right there.

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00:18:21,927 --> 00:18:26,209
Research shows that people
can detect authenticity within

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00:18:26,209 --> 00:18:27,845
milliseconds of meeting someone.

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00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:31,036
So if you're out there trying to
sound like someone you're not, it

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00:18:31,036 --> 00:18:35,345
creates this cognitive dissonance
that makes people unforgettable.

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00:18:35,863 --> 00:18:36,218
Right.

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00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:36,627
Okay.

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00:18:36,872 --> 00:18:40,036
The most powerful communicators
are those who've learned to

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00:18:40,145 --> 00:18:42,190
amplify their natural personality.

353
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,149
Rather than adopt someone else's style.

354
00:18:45,231 --> 00:18:48,422
And if you're naturally
analytical, go ahead and lead

355
00:18:48,422 --> 00:18:49,922
with data and lead with logic.

356
00:18:49,949 --> 00:18:53,822
If you're naturally emotional, lead
with stories and lead with passion.

357
00:18:54,231 --> 00:18:57,477
And if you're naturally practical,
go ahead and lead with the systems

358
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,950
and lead with the solutions.

359
00:18:59,277 --> 00:19:01,731
Those that resonate with
you will click with that.

360
00:19:01,977 --> 00:19:05,118
But authenticity doesn't mean
saying whatever comes to mind.

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00:19:05,931 --> 00:19:10,513
It means being strategically authentic,
choosing which aspects of your

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00:19:10,513 --> 00:19:15,640
personality to emphasize based on your
message and based on your audience.

363
00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:17,222
Do not be in inauthentic.

364
00:19:17,468 --> 00:19:18,586
It's who you are.

365
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,968
It's just you're choosing the
side to share depending on

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00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:23,386
who it is you are addressing.

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00:19:23,604 --> 00:19:26,795
And as we wrap this up here, let me drop
a little whisker wisdom here for you.

368
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:31,840
Remember that communication
is ultimately about service.

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00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:37,486
Every time you communicate, you have an
opportunity to serve someone else, to

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00:19:37,486 --> 00:19:41,713
help them understand something new, to
help them feel heard, to help them feel

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00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:46,513
validated, or to help them take action on
something that could improve their life.

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00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:50,631
The techniques I've shared aren't
just about getting people to

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00:19:50,631 --> 00:19:52,350
listen to you or to buy from you.

374
00:19:52,813 --> 00:19:56,604
They're about becoming the kind
of person worth being listened to.

375
00:19:57,149 --> 00:19:57,422
Yeah.

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00:19:57,668 --> 00:20:03,177
When you combine storytelling that creates
a neuro coupling, the hail framework that

377
00:20:03,177 --> 00:20:08,686
builds trust, strategic pausing, that that
shows confidence and the six principles

378
00:20:08,686 --> 00:20:14,113
of persuasion that align with how people
naturally decide active listening that

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00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:18,150
makes others feel valued, an authentic
passion that just can't be faked.

380
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,436
You start to become a
magnet for opportunities.

381
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:25,881
Your side hustle isn't just about the
service you provide, it's about the

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00:20:25,881 --> 00:20:30,381
conversations you have, the connections
you build, and the trust that you earn.

383
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:35,263
Master these communication principles
and you won't just get people to listen.

384
00:20:35,590 --> 00:20:38,781
You'll get them to believe,
you'll get them to trust, and

385
00:20:38,781 --> 00:20:39,954
you'll get them to take action.

386
00:20:40,309 --> 00:20:43,827
The entrepreneurs who understand
this don't just build businesses.

387
00:20:44,645 --> 00:20:48,681
They tend to build movements and it's
all starts in how you communicate

388
00:20:49,172 --> 00:20:51,054
one conversation at a time.

389
00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:54,109
And with that, I'm gonna leave
you as I always do, think

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00:20:54,109 --> 00:20:55,963
successfully and take action.