EP 059 Public Speaking Reframe Anxiety for Remarkable Success | Presence Anchor Statements That Work

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Sweaty palms, a racing
heart, and a shaky voice.

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Something many of us have experienced,
and it's called stage fright.

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It's what psychologists call
glossophobia, and let's be honest,

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it can be quite paralyzing.

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Well, today I'm gonna be sharing the
most effective public speaking tips to

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instantly calm your nerves so that you
can deliver your presentation flawlessly.

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And let's step back for a moment.

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Let's talk about that moment
when your name gets called

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to walk up onto the stage.

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Your hands start trembling.

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Your, your throat tightens.

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You can feel those butterflies
fluttering around in your stomach.

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Here's what no one tells you.

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The person on the stage right now who
looks completely composed, they're not.

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They're just better at lying about it.

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This is the gap between what an audience
sees and what's actually happening

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inside a speaker's nervous system.

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And those TEDx coaches, you know the ones
I'm talking about, that charge, like,

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s- $5,000 to train corporate executives?

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They have built entire careers on teaching
you and them how to widen that gap,

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but not how to eliminate the anxiety.

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Just to hide it so well that you become
invisible to the very thing that's

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supposed to be watching you suffer.

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Now, let's be honest here, you've
probably heard all the standard advice,

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breathe deeply, visualize success,
practice until your hands stop shaking,

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and let's be honest, all of it's true.

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But all of it's also incomplete,
because the coaches who actually

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get hired backstage at TED
events know something you don't.

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Visible anxiety is not your problem.

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Your relationship with visible
anxiety, that is the problem.

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Let's start with the physiology.

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When you stand in front of an
audience, your amygdala, you know

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that threat detection center you've
heard me talking about in the past few

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episodes, in your brain, it activates.

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Your sympathetic nervous
system floods your body with

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cortisol as well as adrenaline.

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Your heart rate spikes.

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Your blood rushes to your large muscle
groups and away from your extremities.

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That is why your hands are shaking.

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This is why your voice cracks.

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This is why you forget the second sentence
of your carefully memorized opener.

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Clinically speaking, what's happening
is performance anxiety response, a

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subtype of social anxiety disorder
that we talked about in a previous

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episode, and this affects an estimated
75% of the population to some degree,

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be it high degree or low degree.

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Even Toastmaster veterans like myself,
people who've logged hundreds of

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hours of deliberate practice on stage,
still feel that exact same cascade.

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The traditional response you're told
is to fight it, and you've tried it.

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Let's be honest.

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Go ahead, raise your hand.

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Yeah, you've tried it.

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You've gripped the podium tighter.

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You've caffeinated less.

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You've done the breathing exercises
back in the green room or off on

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the side behind the curtain while
you're watching your reflection in

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the mirror, and sometimes it helps.

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Sometimes it doesn't.

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Because you're still operating under
the assumption that anxiety is an

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enemy to be defeated rather than a
signal to be translated, a signal

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to be, uh, checking out, right?

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Here's what the hidden
w- layer looks like.

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The best public speakers, and I've
seen lots of them, the one who move

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rooms, the ones who change minds, y-
you know the ones I'm talking about,

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the ones that literally inspire
people to act, they don't eliminate

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their psychological anxiety response.

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They reinterpret it.

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They stand backstage, and
they feel their heart racing.

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But instead of thinking, "I'm scared"
They're thinking, "I'm excited." The

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physical sensations are identical.

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Your brain doesn't know the difference,
but your story about the sensations,

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that story can change everything.

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This is called anxiety reappraisal,
and we talked about this in

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a previous episode as well.

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It is not motivational nonsense.

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It's not woo woo or it's not rah rah.

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It's hard science.

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Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks
spent years studying this exact mechanism

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and found that people who said, "I'm
excited," before a high-stakes performance

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significantly outperformed those who
just tried to calm themselves down.

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Stanford researchers also
tracked speakers for three years.

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The ones who reframed pre-speech anxiety
as excitement showed a measurably

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better delivery, clearer thinking, and
higher audience ratings, not because

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they were less anxious, but because
they stopped fighting the anxiety long

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enough to use it to their benefit.

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But here's something deeper
happening beneath this reappraisal

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trick, and this is where the TEDx
coaches kind of earn their retainer.

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They know that you're not
actually afraid of the audience.

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You, my friend, are
afraid of disconnection.

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You are afraid that the person that
you are in your head, competent,

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articulate, full of insight, got messages
to share, will not match the person

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that ends up standing on the stage.

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You're afraid of the gap between your
internal experience and your external

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projection, and you're absolutely
right to be afraid because guess what?

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I'm afraid to tell you, that gap is real.

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The coaches call this executive presence,
but what they mean by it is this.

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You must become a character.

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But wait, hold on, hold on.

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Don't, don't, don't push
that skip button yet.

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I don't want you to become a
fake character, because you don't

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want to be a fake character.

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You want to become a more coherent
version of yourself, the version that

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doesn't apologize for taking up the
entire stage, for taking up space, the

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version that doesn't minimize themselves,
the version that knows what it knows.

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Go ahead and do me a
favor here sometime soon.

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Watch a TEDx speaker for 90 seconds and
you'll notice something very specific.

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They don't move randomly.

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They move with intention.

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They pause Uncomfortably long pauses for
most people, especially newer speakers.

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They pause before answering questions.

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They touch their chest when
they're talking about values.

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They point down when
grounding an argument.

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None of this is natural.

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All of it is choreography, but
it's not performative in a way

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that the word actually means.

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It's choreography in a way
that a dancer's movements are

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choreographed to serve a story.

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Have you ever watched You Think You Can
Dance or something like that, right?

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Those interpretive dances,
they tell the story.

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Those choreographed movements of
the speaker, they serve the story.

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It makes the invisible visible.

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And here's, here's a second
hidden layer for you.

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Your nervous system is literally wired
to take cues from your body language.

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So when you stand with your shoulders
back and your chest open, your brain

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interprets this as a position of power.

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Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy's
research showed that holding high power

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poses for just two minutes decreased
cortisol by roughly twenty-five percent

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or so and increased testosterone
Which is why it doesn't just feel

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different, it chemically is different.

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That, my friends, is not
woo-woo or positive thinking.

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That isn't fake it until you make it.

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That is endocrinology, period, hard stop.

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Your posture precedes and
produces your physiological state.

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You're not confident first
and then standing tall.

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You're standing tall first, and then
your neurotransmitters rush to make

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sense of why your body is in that power
position, in that position of power.

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The coaches call this anchoring,
and they teach it in stages.

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Stage one is before you speak.

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You want to spend two minutes
in a position of expansiveness,

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hands on your hips, chest open,
feet shoulder-width apart.

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Your amygdala still fires.

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Adrenaline still floods.

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You're standing in this Superman-type
position, but your prefrontal cortex,

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you know, the part of your brain
responsible for rational thinking and

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impulse control, it gets just enough
extra blood flow to stay online.

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You don't eliminate the anxiety response.

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You make it just slightly more manageable.

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Stage two, your first 30 seconds on
the stage matter disproportionately to

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anything else, not because the audience
is the most critical in those 30 seconds.

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They're actually the most
forgiving in the beginning.

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But you are the most critical.

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Your nervous system is searching
for evidence that you are safe.

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If you stumble in that first 30
seconds, you've just confirmed the

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fear you've been hiding in your head.

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Your amygdala locks down even harder.

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Your voice gets even tighter, right?

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You're now spiraling downward
into the gap between who you

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are and who you're trying to be.

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So

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the coaches teach you to
stack the deck in your favor.

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Make that first sentence short.

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One sentence, no complex
clauses, something that you

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could say in your sleep.

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Your nervous system now has evidence,
"Well, shoot, I survived the first

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sentence. Maybe I'm safe here." By
sentence three, your parasympathetic

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nervous system begins to exchange.

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Blood flow begins to shift
back to your extremities.

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Your hands stop trembling as much,
and you can actually think again.

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You, your brain's starting to say, "Hey,
I actually am safe." And here's where

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most advice is gonna stop, but there is
another layer, and that's why you come to

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my show, to get that next level, right?

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And it's one that I think separates the
good speakers from the ones that can

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actually change something in the room.

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The coaches know that your audience
isn't listening to your words as

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much as they're listening to your
certainty, and those of you who've been

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in an audience of a powerful speaker
know exactly what I'm talking about.

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They're not evaluating the truth
of what you're saying in real time.

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They're evaluating whether you
believe what you're saying.

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Neuroscientist Tasha Eurich,
an organizational psychologist

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and researcher who has studied
self-awareness extensively,

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calls this the confidence mirror.

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We unconsciously mirror the confidence
levels of the people that we are watching.

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If you're uncertain, we become uncertain.

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If you're grounded, we become grounded.

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This is why a speaker who seems
terrified can deliver a technically

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perfect bit of content and still
fail to engage or move the room.

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The audience is too busy catching your
anxiety to ever absorb your message.

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So the hidden technique is this.

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You must decide in advance what
it is that you are certain about.

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Not certain about everything.

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I want you to be certain about just one
thing, one central idea that lives in

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your body, not just your brain, right?

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The coaches are gonna call
this your anchor statement.

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For a speaker talking about
climate change, it might be, "The

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future is not predetermined."

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For a founder pitching investors, it
might be, "We solve a problem that costs

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people billions." You repeat this to
yourself backstage, in the green room,

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behind the curtain, wherever it might
be, and you feel it in your chest.

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When you stand on that stage and your
amygdala starts firing, you don't focus

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on your breathing or your hand position.

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You focus on your anchor.

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You let that certainty radiate
out from you like the sun, okay?

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And here's the most uncomfortable part.

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The certainty does not have to be true.

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Sorry to say.

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It has to feel true in your
body, and the coaches know this,

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and that's why they teach it.

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They know that the most
persuasive speakers aren't the

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ones with the best arguments.

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No.

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And you know that too.

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But they are the ones with the
most coherent internal experience.

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They are the ones who have integrated
their fear instead of just fighting it.

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There's a TED Talk coach in San
Francisco who charges, like, I don't

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know, uh, if I remember correctly,
$8,000 for a three-hour session.

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In those three hours, she doesn't
teach you breathing techniques.

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She makes you speak your core idea
47 times, not until you're perfect,

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but until you believe it, until your
voice stops wavering because your

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doubt no longer has anywhere to hide.

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By s- by the end of the session, you
don't sound different You sound the

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same, but now you sound inhabited,
someone who's actually living inside

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their own words instead of reading from
a script that maybe someone else wrote.

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You with me?

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Okay.

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And this is where we hit,
let's call it a false floor.

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You might think the goal here is to
become a confident public speaker.

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I'm sorry to tell you, it's not.

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The goal is to become someone who can
sit inside discomfort without abandoning

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themselves because here's what happens
after you master all these speaking

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techniques that you can ever learn.

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You speak, the anxiety disappears,
the audience responds, and then maybe

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after 50 or so successful talks,
you, you start to realize something.

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You never actually became
more confident on stage.

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You became better at
performing confidence.

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You became better at the gap
between your internal experience

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and your external projection.

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And the question that's gonna eat
at you then is this: When does the

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performance stop being a performance?

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When does the character become
the person, or Does it never?

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Do the best speakers in the world just
get better or just get better at lying?

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Okay, the TEDx coaches really,
they don't answer this question.

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Why, you may ask?

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Well, I'm glad you asked.

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Because they can't.

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Because the answer is that
there is no clean endpoint.

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The gap doesn't close.

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You just get better at
dancing inside that gap.

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You get better at let the audience
see in just enough of your humanity to

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trust you, while keeping enough of your
uncertainty hidden to remain interesting.

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You become a translator between
the you that you are and the

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you that you can become, maybe
that you're headed to become.

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And this is the trap.

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Once you understand how public
speaking actually works, once you

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see the machinery beneath the magic,
you, my friend, cannot unsee it.

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Every TED Talk becomes a performance
that you're analyzing instead of feeling.

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Every motivational speech becomes a
series of techniques that you're watching

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instead of absorbing the content.

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You gain the power to move rooms.

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You lose something smaller but harder
to name, the ability to forget that

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you're standing alone in the dark in
front of fifteen hundred people who

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have no obligation to believe you.

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The real secret isn't
how to hide your anxiety.

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It's how to become someone
worth believing anyway.

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Yeah?

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Okay?

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Now, you know, everything we've talked
about today, the anxiety, the reappraisal,

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the anchor statement, the gap between
who you are and who you're becoming,

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this is exactly the kind of thing
we dig into every single week on the

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Unleash Your Success DNA newsletter.

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It's not your typical hustle
harder, woo-bah, woo-woo, pump

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00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:21,293
you full up on motivation.

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No, it's a weekly dose of mindset shifts
and habit upgrades mixed with my little

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dose of rebellion, and it's really built
for all my aspiring folks out there,

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those that are looking to level up,
be they entrepreneurs or nine-to-five

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00:13:31,841 --> 00:13:35,693
escapees, or just Joe Schmo or Jane
Schmo out there just wanting to level up.

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All of the folks who are done
following someone else's blueprint.

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So maybe if today's episode hit
a little different and you felt

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something shift inside you, then
you need to be on this newsletter.

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00:13:45,311 --> 00:13:47,119
You need this newsletter in your life.

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00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:49,432
So head on over to Your Success DNA.

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00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:52,937
It's free, it's real, and it just
might be the thing that finally closes

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that gap between the person you are
and the person you are meant to be.

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Don't wait.

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The best time to rewire was, you
know, yesterday, and the second

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00:14:00,102 --> 00:14:03,850
best time is right now while the
ideas are still fresh in your head.

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Okay.

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So before I leave you today, I want
to leave you with my usual whispered

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wisdom, and here's what I want to
make sure you walk away with today.

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The stage that you're going to speak on or
that you just spoke on is not the problem.

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The audience that you spoke to or,
or about to speak to, they're not

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the problem, and I'm even gonna tell
you that you are not the problem.

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The only thing standing between you and
the speaker, the leader, the founder, the

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person, the whatever that you're capable
of being, is the story that you keep

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telling yourself about your own anxiety.

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So stop trying to silence the fear and
start learning to speak through it.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, j- y- I didn't even say speak to
it, because the most powerful speakers

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in the world, they aren't fearless.

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They're just fluent inside their own fear.

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And here's the one action
I want you to take.

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Do this today right after
you're finished listening.

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Grab yourself a piece of paper
or open up your notes app and

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write down your anchor statement.

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One sentence.

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The one thing that you are absolutely
certain about, be it in your business,

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in your life, in your whatever, right?

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What… Your message.

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Something that lives in your chest,
in your body, in your heart, in

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your soul, not just in your head.

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And say it out loud.

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Say it 10 times.

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Feel it settle into your body.

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This, my friends, is
not a speaking exercise.

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This is an identity exercise,
and it will change more than

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just how you perform on stage.

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Okay?

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So let, let's kind of
wrap things up here today.

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Your anxiety isn't your enemy.

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It's your signal.

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Reframe it.

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00:15:28,436 --> 00:15:31,105
Anchor yourself in what
you know to be true.

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That statement you just practiced.

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I just told you to practice.

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Okay?

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00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:38,340
Stand tall before you feel confident,
and remember, the gap between who

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00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:41,236
you are and who you're becoming,
that, my friend, is not a flaw.

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That is the work.

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00:15:42,723 --> 00:15:46,053
And if this episode moves something
inside you, m-maybe just a little bit,

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00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,201
go ahead and share it with someone else
you know probably needs to hear it.

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00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:50,175
Drop a comment.

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00:15:50,436 --> 00:15:51,975
Tell me what your anchor statement is.

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00:15:52,053 --> 00:15:53,210
I truly wanna know.

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00:15:53,332 --> 00:15:53,714
Okay?

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00:15:53,862 --> 00:15:57,349
And if you haven't already, go ahead and
subscribe to Unleashing Your Success DNA

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00:15:57,349 --> 00:16:01,627
newsletter at yoursuccessdna.com, because
this conversation does not stop here.

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00:16:01,671 --> 00:16:04,845
It continues on there, and it
will continue again next week.

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00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:05,514
Now go.

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00:16:05,627 --> 00:16:06,514
Stop preparing.

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00:16:06,714 --> 00:16:08,575
Stop rehearsing your excuses.

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00:16:08,732 --> 00:16:09,158
Why?

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00:16:09,505 --> 00:16:11,419
Because the room is waiting for you.

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Think successfully and take action.